Trevor’s Journey to Friends
“and Jesus’s brothers….”
I was in a first year university course on Western Religions and the professor was reviewing a passage and just remarked, “and Jesus’s brothers….”
My hand shot up, “Jesus had brothers?”
I was raised Catholic. Catholic’s get the ritual and the ceremony of church. Every Sunday growing up we went to church; rain or shine, church wasn’t an option. Even on vacations, if our campsite was close to church we got out of sleeping bags to go to church. I remember on one trip going to a French speaking church. None of my family speaks French but it was Sunday so we went to church.
As a Catholic we recite more than a few prayers to the ‘Virgin Mary” – Jesus’s mom. One line goes, “and I ask Mary, ever virgin…” Growing up I had never considered that Mary would have ever had other children because that means she would have had to have sex!
And that moment, in a Western Religion course, shattered my Catholic faith. It wasn’t that I hadn’t had issues before. Hell is a problem for me. Would a loving God really sentence people to eternal damnation? Do good acts really not count; it’s only right beliefs? Is birth control wrong? Yes there were questions that were starting to form cracks in my faith but that day “and Jesus’s brothers….” was the day my faith shattered.
And it stayed broken for a decade. In that period I would have said I believed in a creator, for me how the universe functions seems too amazing to be random, but a creator is not the same as God.
And then my brother invited me to Friends Church for a Christmas service. Christmas in the Catholic tradition is a big deal and there is a ton of ritual and ceremony. What a vividly remember about Friends Church Christmas is that they showed a Mr. Bean’s Christmas; in Church! I thought I was going straight to hell for just being there.
But I was hooked. And I’ve stayed hooked. Friends Church has evolved their messages over the years that I’ve been going. For me there are many cornerstones but two that stick out.
1. It’s my journey. Friends is not telling me ‘do this’ and all will be right in your life. It’s been far more about, ‘think about this’ and where this is a challenge in your life; then take action in my own life to get better in that area. I appreciate that approach.
2. Honest about what can be proven. Friends talks about faith in faith terms; not in facts terms. Not everything I believe and act on daily is defendable by fact. Friends approach to keeping faith in that area has been very, very helpful.
Why do I keep coming? I was at a Catholic Mass this summer on a trip. I really appreciated the priest’s wisdom – “Spirituality is an experiential practice. You must engage in a practice. Much like an exercise program you get very little benefit out of thinking about doing it.” Friends has given me the tools to go back to a Catholic Mass and not get lost in the fact/faith debate and miss the learning. At a Catholic Mass they state facts that I would argue are faith but I’m now able to just say (in my head) “they believe that, I’m not sure I do and that’s okay. Keep listening for the learning I need.”
I would never claim that I know the perfect exercise program for everyone. I would never claim I know the perfect spiritual practices for everyone. I would very much agree with the idea, “Much like an exercise program you get very little benefit out of thinking about doing it. Spirituality is an experiential practice. You must engage in a practice.”